It’s 2002 and you’re re-watching the iconic MTV cribs tour of Pamela Anderson’s Malibu home on mute. Visions of wicker and white-washed wood dance around your head as you also simultaneously dance your literal ass off to your Buns Of Steel DVD. Summer is around the corner and you want to be both shabby chic & playboy hot. After your workout is over you smell as musty as the home accessories in Rachel Ashwell’s titular book. You need to freshen up before you head to the local Pier 1 Imports to DIY your own modern farmhouse. On your perfume tray is Tendre Kiss by Lalique next to an equally vibrant pink Razr. On first spritz you imagine smelling like the hundreds of roses used in the making of that cribs tour and feel at peace. Top notes are Litchi and Red Berries; middle notes are Pink Pepper, Rose and Nutmeg; base notes are Labdanum, Sandalwood and Vanilla. In real life you will smell like cottage core bliss. 

Photo and Description by Basenote Bitch

As the name would suggest, this is the first foray into fragrance by the jewel house Van Cleef & Arpels. Naturally it had to smell both sparkling & opulent, and what better time to achieve that during the aldehydes boom of the 70’s? What followed was an OG stealth wealth masterpiece that paired incredibly well with dreams of the aristocracy. First is having another reintroduction as one of Diana, Princess of Wales’ most beloved fragrances. In between notes on his todger, Prince Harry tenderly recalled how scent therapy with First allowed him to process the death of his mother. In many ways, outside of all the previously claimed scents worn by Spencer—this one really evokes the people’s princess. The perfume itself is effervescent and sophisticated in the top notes, but then the radiant base of oakmoss kicks in and greets you like an old friend. In real life you will smell like someone who can pull off a tiara while eating a Happy Meal. 

Photo and Description by Basenote Bitch

The year is 1994 and you’re watching the trial of the century from your bathtub. Class, celebrity, and violence were all on display for the tens of millions of people tuning in every night. In many ways this trial was one of the early beginnings of our fascination with reality TV, while being the early platform for what would become the Kardashian empire. Engrossed, you apply your La Mer creme and pause to think about Nicole Brown Simpson. As you eye your vanity tray you see your bottle of Calyx by Prescriptives that you picked up at the Brentwood Country Mart & wonder if Nicole wore the same fruity floral accord? It’s fresh & flirty all at once–maybe just like she was? You feel a strange twinge of guilt consuming details on her murder for entertainment from the comfort of your bath-beaded soak. The feeling stays with you, but you continue to watch in awe as the top notes of Passionfruit, Mango, Guava, Grapefruit, Apricot, and Peach envelop you. When the middle & basenotes of Melon, Neroli, Freesia, Rose, Oakmoss, & Sandalwood settle you turn off the TV & walk away. In real life you smell like Rodeo Drive at the beginning of summer.

Photo and Description by Basenote Bitch

The Marciano brothers were responsible for so many late 90’s icons. They had a knack for defining culture with their Guess Girls, and none were more celebrated & later unfairly mocked than Anna Nicole Smith. This perfume came out right before her untimely death in 2007 at the age of 39. The climate was peak noughties, and our collective obsession with reality TV was rampant. The access to fame felt owed, and we were equally fascinated by the celebrity shame cycle. There could be no better fragrant pairing for the time than Guess for Women. It was said to be one of  Anna’s favorite perfumes, and like her, on first spritz it’s a pink fantasy with top notes of Strawberry, Apple & Bergamot. The floral fruity trail then begins to fade into its deeper heart notes of Musk, Cedar, Amber & Oakmoss. In real life you will smell hard to watch, & harder not to.

Photo and description by Basenote Bitch

This was the perfect perfume to introduce the 80’s with. Big and bold with a touch of unrelenting greed!  If I were a rich and fabulous soap opera star of the decade this would be my signature scent. Alternatively, if you want to smell like an oil tycoon’s mistress then look no further. Let me take you back in time to a little shop called Giorgio Beverly Hills—the first luxury boutique on Rodeo Drive in the early 60’s. After the massive success of the store their signature fragrance was soon to follow, and Giorgio was born screaming in 1981. Some have called its ever-present aura the ‘toxic splash zone,’ and it was one you truly could not escape for most of this indulgent decade. The brilliant advertising campaign brought it into every magazine and mall in America. People wanted it because it was branded as rarefied nectar and the promise of exclusivity worked. Our Ozone layer will never be the same due to the impact and usage of both this scent and Aquanet. There’s a reason why our noses needed to recover from the trauma of shoulder pads and flower bombs in the 90’s minimalism that would follow. Notes include every white flower in the world with a base of romance novel deduction. In real life you will smell like a potpourri bowl resting above a solid gold toilet.

Photo and description by Basenote Bitch